I'm Sorry Mom - Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day is one of those celebrations that should remind us all of how much we sometimes take our family (or those that are closest to us) for granted. Why is it that we often treat strangers with more courtesy than we do those whom we cherish the most?

The obvious answer is that we behave this way because we have nothing to fear--regardless of what we say or do, we know deep down that they will always be there for us--and in knowing that, on occasion throughout the year, we allow ourselves to treat them with less respect than they deserve and rarely apologize for it.

The worst part of all is that this behavior sometimes extends to that very day where we collectively honor our mothers, and we let the day go by without a simple visit or phone call. Although wishing your mother a "Happy Mother's Day" is not an apology per se, it likely does make up (in some little way) for the times throughout the year that you were less than thoughtful.

And, in the same way that a gift is not necessary when extending an apology but does add a level of thoughtfulness and an extra touch, the same holds true for Mother's Day. So think about it...

For ideas on how to add your own special touch to your Mother's Day celebration check out our page on creative ways to say sorry.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!

The Sorry State of The Web.

When the team first got together and came up with the idea for Perfect Apology we never considered providing an outlet for people to post their own apologies. The site was only ever meant to be a kind of user-guide for both personal and business apologies where people could learn about something we all need to do from time to time.

One day, on a whim we decided to create an Apology Board, a page where people could say they're sorry and have it go live on the site. It started out as a test to see how and if people would respond.

It turns out that not only have people responded but the board itself fills a need for many. These folks seem to feel that posting an apology on the internet somehow gives their mea culpas more credibility. Perhaps being live on the web for all the world to see does in some way add to the effectiveness of an apology.

The problem is that many of the apologies we receive and post don't even come close to fulfilling the basic ingredients of a proper apology. We post them anyway, hoping that those who are not forgiven will take another look at their apologies, figure out why they remain in the situation they're in, and learn to improve things next time around....(there are also many others we receive and don't post for various reasons...)

The satisfying part in all of this is that there are some stellar examples of near perfection posted to the board. They shine bright and make the not-so-good apologies look even worse. Whether these individuals learned how to apologize effectively on their own or through the site, we can all learn something from the way these guys did it. These are the folks who gave thought to their situation and the parties involved, have taken the time to learn about what constitutes a sincere apology, and tailored their apologies appropriately.Hopefully future posters will read some of them prior to posting their own apologies.

Unfortunately for many, the few minutes of thought and research that it would take to craft a heartfelt apology is simply too much effort.... If they aren't even willing to try and figure it out, what are the chances of their apologies being well received? Is simply posting any old apology on the web enough to be forgiven?

The Very Public Apology

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer's recent apology concerning his affinity for high-priced call girls brought his political career to an end and also garnered wide media attention.

Perhaps this particular apology was so widely scrutinized because we all love a good sex scandal or maybe it was because the apology he delivered was so inadequate that we were both outraged by the lame mea culpa and embarrassed for his wife who had to endure listening to it while she stood beside him.

Spitzer's apology was so poorly received that he even got media coverage from his neighbors to the North when the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation ran an interesting segment on this very public apology.

Our team thinks it's a pretty good piece (although not very detailed) but well worth a view...so check it out!

Maxim Apology Watch: Still Waiting.

David Peisner, the freelance writer responsible for writing the recent Maxim reviews of new (but not yet released or available) CDs by the Black Crowes and rap star Nas, offered the following in his defense:

"I was assigned to write previews of the Black Crowes and Nas albums. I did that. When the issue came out, the previews were laid out as reviews complete with star ratings. I never at any point or to anyone claimed to have heard these albums in their entirety. Whatever decisions Maxim made after I turned in my work were beyond my control."

Black Crowes' manager Pete Angelus made the following statement in response to Peisner's claims.

"[Maxim] issued a partial apology to their readership, but no apology directly to the artist whose work they denigrated without having heard more than one song, while attempting to pass it off as an album review. I think Peisner’s claim is absurd. He wrote a review of music that he never heard, he disparaged both the band and the material. He said, ‘It hasn’t left Chris Robinson and the gang much room for growth,’ and yet now he’s going to attempt to pass off his actions on Maxim? Absurd.”

Notice the emphasis Angus places on the "partial apology" as a source of the band's anger and frustration, a point he has repeated in other statements. As the Perfect Apology team explained here and predicted here things are going to get much worse for Maxim, simply because they failed at the start to issue a simple, honest apology to the band.

More PA Comments on the "Timing" of Recent HGH-Steroid Induced-Baseball Apologies

All of these apologies were issued AFTER the Mitchell report. This is not an insignificant point, because the exact same apology would have a completely different meaning if issued before the Mitchell investigation or report. Even a weak apology (like Gagne's) would have had a considerably more powerful and meaningful impact had the admission and apology come without being provoked by the full weight of a congressional committee. Consider the underlying sentiments in the statements made by those who apologized recently, and what these statements say about the timing of the apologies they were forced to issue.

Matt Herges:

"I screwed up and I crossed the line. I feel like I've been shown mercy in all of this. If I'm not standing there naked in front of the world with my big secret, I'd still be holding onto it, hiding it. It would still be eating at me. It's not fun by any stretch holding onto something like that, so secretive, so dirty. I'm grateful it's out there. I'm freed a little bit, a lot actually."

In other words, take away Mitchell and we have no apology. Herges goes on to state:

"When people see someone broken and they see humility about it, I think people appreciate that. I think that's what people want. I think that's what our country wants. People are like, 'Just admit, show that you're sorry, legitimately, and we'll forgive you.' I did this because I needed to do this. No matter what the penalty, I was still going to admit it and apologize."

It's certainly possible that Herges did this because he "needed to do it", but he needed to do it because of Mitchell's investigation and report -- it was provoked not by some internal compulsion to come clean regardless of the consequences, but because the report provided a very convenient opportunity to bare his soul. But a willingness to suffer the costs of an apology issued 'after' Mitchell's report is less impressive than suffering the pain and sacrifice had Herges (or Pettitte, Gagne, etc.) admitted to these mistakes long before the pressure became too great, and the answer so obvious.

The same post-Mitchell sentiments were expressed by Lo Duco:

“You do something wrong in your life and you get away with it, you still have something inside you that burns. And it’s been a big relief for me to know that I’ve come to grips with it. That I made a mistake.”

In other words, Mitchell did these guys a huge favor.